who I used to be

Read: My great goal for this month? Get a library card. Until then, I've been experimenting (out of necessity) with reading ebooks borrowed from my old library. I'm working on Geri Larkin's "The Chocolate Cake Sutra" in this way. I did finish rereading my own copy of Jose Saramago's "All the Names," and I'm hoarding an airport purchase - Haruki Murakami's "Hear the Wind Sing." I think of it as my emergency book (am I the only one who needs a few books set aside for peace of mind?) I've also been reading, in fits and starts, and bits and pieces, volume 1 of Proust via Project Gutenberg. I was inspired by this article.

Surprised by: By pure chance, I happened upon the blog that I wrote as a second-year teacher. It was strange to go back and read about those kids - all these years later, I still remember who was who (I used pseudonyms for everyone). My latest year in the classroom was my most challenging, and reading my old blog entries reminded me that there's always been challenges and that I brought a lot of hope and determination into my work. Curious? Click here to read my old blog.

Missing: My old life, and the comfort of having a dojo to practice at three times a week, and the comfort of having a fantastic group of people to meditate with once a week.

Grappling with: CHANGE. I'm trying my utmost to enjoy this as my usual summer break, but so much has changed - it's definitely an odd feeling to know that I won't be going back to the classroom as a full-time teacher next school year. Part of me is relieved -  slaving over writing a 30-page script for the first day, the frantic classroom cleaning and preparation, the anxiety dreams - they're all stressful. But at the same time, I feel as if I've lost a part of my identity. This is ironic, as I actively resisted the idea of being a classroom teacher for years. I remember being interviewed for my AmeriCorps VISTA position in an elementary school, being asked whether I was interested in eventually becoming a teacher, and honestly replying, "no." But now, I ask myself, "Can I still call myself a teacher?" Add in the anxiety of job hunting, and it's no wonder that this is a singular summer.
Grateful for: I don't want to end on an angst-ridden note, so I will list a few things I'm enjoying right now:

• Trader's Joe's The Dark Chocolate Lover's Chocolate Bar. Pure yum. I might need one to stash with my emergency book. 
• Some of the Vegas weather: midnight lightning storms, dramatic sunsets.
• A fresh start.
• Fresh blueberries with Greek yogurt for breakfast.

What I've done, so far

     Ally of Shybiker wrote a great post called Life Experiences that inspired me to compile my own list.
Did you know that I ...

 This has nothing to do with the post, just a random photo that I found on my camera card.

•  Moved to California at 21 to pursue my first career.
• Grew up with a (fraternal) twin sister who is one minute older.
• Throughout elementary school, learned in the same classroom as my sister. It wasn't until I became a teacher that I realized how unusual it was for me and my twin to be students in the same room - the general practice is to place twins in different classrooms.
• Used an online dating service - and ended up marrying a guy I met there.
• Spent almost a year running an elementary school library that serviced about 900 students.
• Worked in a newsroom for two historic events - the momentous 2000 election and the 9/11 attacks.
• Taught fifth grade with just about no experience.
• Through reflection, research, and reading, improved as a teacher.
• As a high school student, won a contest that turned my anti-drug commercial idea into spot that aired on a local channel.
• Earned a black belt in the Japanese martial art of aikido (hoping to get my third-degree belt next year).
• Passed an oral exam to earn my library sciences degree and got married in the same month - just about a week apart.
• Served in AmeriCorps VISTA for two years, promoting literacy in elementary schools.
• Folded almost 1,000 paper cranes (I had friends and my sis help) for someone ill.
• Visited New Zealand and India.
• Served as weekday caretaker for a close relative with Alzheimer's/dementia for almost two years.
• Sampled alligator on a stick (it does kind of taste like chicken!)
• Earned a spot in the acknowledgements section of a real live printed book.  (Proof here)
• Provided technical support for a poetry show my friend did on public radio.
• On my first (and so far, only) trip to New York, woke up in the dead of night with vertigo and took an ambulance ride to the E.R.
• After said stay in the E.R., walked 9 blocks back to the hotel. Note to self: when you have vertigo, DO NOT take the nurse's advice to walk because it will be too hard to get a cab. It was the longest, most wretched walk of my life. 
• Wrote a novel - then dumped it.
• Read my poetry on stage when I lived in California.
• Rang up one of my favorite authors (Haruki Murakami) when I worked part-time at Borders. I was too shy to say anything to him! 

Do we have anything in common? Did anything surprise you?