blogging challenge, day 24: at my worst

 Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits.

1. I am a procrastinator. I admire those people who get things before they are due, like the person in my social computing class who posted her final paper A WEEK EARLY while the rest of us were feverishly writing. I think the procrastination stems from avoidant tendencies - if I'm worried or anxious about doing something, I take my mind off it by diddling around Pinterest for an hour. This doesn't help me in the long run, as I lose valuable work time. I've realized lately that being a procrastinator means I have a hard time assessing just how much time I really need to complete a task. I think becoming a teacher has helped me become less avoidant - it's my job to address things that happen in my classroom that aren't helpful, safe or productive - but the procrastination is something I need to work on. Maybe tomorrow. (just kidding!)
2. I own a lot of stuff. And I am disorganized. Mentally, I am not disorganized. It's very easy for me to organize my thoughts to write a coherent essay. Thus, many people I know mistake me as an organized person. But when it comes to physical stuff ... I look at things and am at an utter loss. I own several books on organizing, but have never really gotten around to implementing their principles (see number 1). One of the biggest challenges for me in becoming a teacher was having to not only organize myself, but to organize a shared physical space for students to use as well as providing the tools and procedures to organize students' personal spaces (desks, cubbies, etc). Yikes. I made huge improvements in this from my first year of teaching to my second, both for me and for the students. But it's still something I struggle with in life in general. I keep wondering whether there is an actual condition called "disorganizia" that I am afflicted with that scientists will uncover sometime soon, and that they will then begin devoting millions of research  dollars to solving. I'd volunteer to participate in a trial. ;)
3.  I can be my own worst critic. I have high expectations of myself and can feel crummy when I don't meet those expectations. I've gotten a lot better at questioning any self-criticism that arises and trying to look at it from a different angle, but I still think I put a lot of pressure on myself. I don't think having high expectations is all bad -- I've achieved a lot and am very motivated to build on my strengths and learn from my mistakes due to this trait. One of the biggest things I've learned is that mistakes can be constructive, if approached the right way. But now that I'm 35, I'm realizing how important it is for me to stop getting in my own way and to practice complete self-acceptance.

     It was interesting to write this, because I didn't expect that all my worst traits would be intertwined, but they are. Yay for a little self-knowledge gained through the challenge! :)